Families are like a bar of chocolate, mostly sweet with a
One day your prince will come. Mine just took a wrong turn,
got lost and is too stubborn to ask for directions.
My favorite mythical creature: A Honest Politician.
who says nothing is impossible I`ve been doing nothing for
used to be schizophrenic but now both of us are alright.
9 out of 10 doctors will agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is
Went home at 2 with a 10 and woke up at 10 with a 2.
is color blind and trying to solve a Rubik's cube... This
could take a while...
How do you get holy water? Boil the hell out of it.
Iíd like to help you out, which way did you come in?
To find out a girlís faults, praise her to her girlfriends.
Asking dumb questions is easier than correcting dumb
Complex problems have simple, easy to understand, wrong
is color blind but is still trying to solve a Rubik cube.
This could take a while.
Women who seek to be at an equal level with men, lack
Is swearing to drunk that he is not God.
Bought some batteries for my children as Christmas gift and
it has a note that says 'toys not included'.
Theres a fine line between tan, and looking like you rolled
in doritos. :)
arguing with himself, and losing
Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
charming. His fortune cookie told him so
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a
parachute to skydive twice.
By the time a man realizes that his father was right, he has
a son who thinks heís wrong.
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak
and remove all doubt.
Lifeís a BITCH. No wait thatís me.
grandpa Farve is going in for the pass. sacked. ouch, broke
is as bored as a gay man in a hot tub full of lesbians!
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it
Children in backseats cause accidents - Accidents in
backseats cause children.
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four
billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
The sole purpose of a childís middle name, is so he can tell
when heís really in trouble.
Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
Iím not short, Iím cuddle sized