Whatís the difference between a
northern fairytale and a southern fairytale? A northern
fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." A southern fairytale
begins "Yíall ainít gonna believe this shit.."
I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to too.
I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so
I said "Implants?"
Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a
When the zombie apocalypse finally happens, I'm moving to
Washington D.C. I figure the lack of brains there will keep
the undead masses away.
When I was on acid I would see things that looked like beams
of light. and I would hear things that sounded like car
I may not be jesus but I can turn water into koolaid
Honesty may be the best policy, but itís important to
remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the
It's funny how axe handles are made of wood. It's like the
ultimate 'F*ck you' to trees.
Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him
without an erection, make him a sandwich
It's so cold outside, I actually saw a gangster pull his
Never make an arm wrestling bet with a man that has been
single for longer than 6 months.
Men are like babies... when they get cranky, just shove a
nipple in their mouth!
Having sex is like playing bridge. If you donít have a good
partner, youíd better have a good hand.
I was gonna have my teeth whitened, but
then I said f*ck that, Iíll just get a tan instead.
If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some
people have more than one child.