50 Best Funny Sayings




I like to be an optimist. It pisses people off.
 



If you see nothing you could be grateful for, check your pulse.




They say crime doesn’t pay. So does my current job make me a criminal?
 



Money alone won’t make you happy. You’ve got to own it.

The nine most terrifying words in the English language are, ‘I’m from the government and I’m here to help

Find out what you like doing best and get someone to pay you for doing it.




I’m not lazy. I’m just naturally a very relaxed person.
 



I’m standing outside. In other words, I’m outstanding.
 



I’ve been single for so many years I believe I will soon become an album.
 



Don’t be so humble – you are not that great. – Golda Meir
 

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