If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it was meant to be. If it does not, hunt it down & kill it.

Taking shots of Tequila is just another way of saying,

“I like where I wake up to always be a surprise.”

Just got 30 minutes of cardio trying to pick up an ice cube from the kitchen floor.

I’m an adult, but not “I watch the news & know what’s going on in the World & shit” adult.

Is it just me that finds it disturbing that you can accidentally make a baby but you can’t accidentally make a pizza?

I think my mailman is stealing my Nigerian lottery checks.

It’s getting warm out. I can finally get back to smacking people and blaming it on mosquitos!

I get a little nervous eating cucumber in a single woman’s home.

Exercise can add years to your life. For example, I just ran 2 miles and I now feel like I’m 82.


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