Q: What happens to a frog's car
when it breaks down?
A: It gets toad away.
Q: What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive
A: a thesaurus.
Q: What do lawyers wear to court?
Q: What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish?
A: Every morning you'll rise and shine!
Q: What do you call a fat psychic?
A: A four chin teller.
A Special Drink
One doctor always stopped at a local bar after work for a
hazelnut daiquiri - a special drink the bartender created
just for him. One day, the bartender ran out of hazelnut
flavor so he substituted hickory nuts instead.
The doctor took one sip of the drink and exclaimed, 'This
isn't a hazelnut daiquiri!'
'No, I'm sorry', replied the bartender, 'it's a hickory
Two atoms were walking down the sidewalk and suddenly one
slips off the curb and says "Oh no, I've lost my electron!"
The other atom says "Are you sure?"
1st atom says "Yes, I'm positive!"
Old Man Speeding
A senior citizen picked up his brand new Corvette
convertible and drove out of the car dealership. As he is
going down the road, he decides to floor it up to 80 mph,
enjoying the wind passing through the little hair he had.
"Amazing," he felt as he flew down the I-90, he jams the
pedal down even more as he looks in his rear view mirror, he
sees a state trooper right behind him, lights a flashing and
siren a blaring. So he floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then
120 .. suddenly he thought, "What am I doing I'm too old for
this!" and pulls over to await the trooper's arrival. The
trooper pulling in behind him, walked up to the Corvette,
looked at his watch and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30
minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me one good reason
for your speeding that I've never heard of before, I'll let
you go on your way." Well the senior citizen paused. Then
explained that "Years ago, my wife ran off with a State
Trooper and I thought you were bringing her back to me!"
"Very well! Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper.
Let Me Speak
A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was
speeding down Main Street. "But officer," the man began, "I
can explain." "Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm
going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief
gets back." "But, officer, I just wanted to say,..." "And I
said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!" A few hours later
the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for
you that the chief's at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in
a good mood when he gets back." "Don't count on it,"
answered the fellow in the cell. "I'm the groom."
They had lived together in the backwoods for over fifty
years. To celebrate their fiftieth anniversary, he took her
to a large city and they checked into a plush hotel. She
said to the bellman, "We refuse to settle for such a small
room. No windows, no bed, and no air conditioning." "But,
madam!", replied the bellman. "Don't 'But madam' me," she
continued. "You can't treat us like we're a couple of fools
just because we don't travel much, and we've never been to
the big city, and never spent the night at a hotel. I'm
going to complain to the manager." "Madam," the bellman
said, "this isn't your room; this is the elevator!"