Why did the scarecrow win an
Because he was outstanding in his field!
Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?
He woke up.
To the man in the wheelchair that stole my camouflage
jacket... You can hide but you can't run.
What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
Where's my tractor?
If prisoners could take their own mug shots, would they be
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
What do you call a snowman with a six pack?
An abdominal snowman.
What do you call a fly without wings?
What do you call a fat psychic?
A four-chin teller.
Just quit my job at Starbucks because day after day it was
the same old grind.
Can February March?
No, but April May.
Me: “Did you get a haircut?”
Dad: “No, I got them all cut.”