I always give 100% at work: 13% Monday 22% Tuesday 26% Wednesday 35% Thursday 4% Friday
Some people are like Slinkies – not really good for anything, but you still can’t help but smile when you see them tumble down the stairs.
Are you thinking what I’m thinking that I think that you’re thinking I’m thinking, because if you think that I think what I think I’m thinking then we’ve got a problem.
According to the 19 citations I got for trespassing and peeping, “neighborhood watch” isn’t what I thought it was.
In a few years priests will say, ‘You may now change your relationship status to husband and wife.’
The greatest thing about Facebook, is that you can quote something and totally make up the source. – Oprah
A lot of beautiful people are stupid. There’s a tremendous amount of idiots who look so good. It’s frightening.
I don’t understand those couples that fight and then a minute later change their Facebook status to ‘Single.’ I fight with my parents but you don’t see me change my status to ‘Orphan.’
I would rather cuddle then have sex. If you are good with grammar you will get it.
There’s a thin line between “I should do a status update about that” and “I should talk to a therapist about that”
If you have someone following you that is ugly, they are a stalker. If the person is hot, they are your secret admirer.
I’m cutting the sleeves off my Snuggie because it makes me look more badass