I would rather cuddle then have sex. If you are good with grammar you will get it.
There’s a thin line between “I should do a status update about that” and “I should talk to a therapist about that”
If you have someone following you that is ugly, they are a stalker. If the person is hot, they are your secret admirer.
I’m cutting the sleeves off my Snuggie because it makes me look more badass
Hooters should start a home delivery service and call it Knockers.
You wanna cry? Try using a tissue, it works much better than your Facebook status.
Enjoy the little things in life, because one day, you’ll look back and realize that they were actually big things.
I wont block you or delete you. I’m keeping you there so you will be able to see how happy I am without you.
True laziness is being excited when plans get canceled.
Touch it gently, put two fingers inside, if it’s wide use three fingers, make sure it’s wet and rub up and down. Yep that’s how you wash a cup.