Hooters should start a home delivery service and call it Knockers.
You wanna cry? Try using a tissue, it works much better than your Facebook status.
Enjoy the little things in life, because one day, you’ll look back and realize that they were actually big things.
I wont block you or delete you. I’m keeping you there so you will be able to see how happy I am without you.
True laziness is being excited when plans get canceled.
Touch it gently, put two fingers inside, if it’s wide use three fingers, make sure it’s wet and rub up and down. Yep that’s how you wash a cup.
If ‘dress for the job you want’ were true, there would be a lot more people wearing capes.
Have you ever even watched MTV Cribs? I’m pretty sure we can keep downloading music without paying for it.
Money may not buy happiness but it can certainly improve the quality of your misery
My neighbor came rudely banging at my door at 2:30 am, luckily for him I was up practicing on my new drums.
Life is weird, first you wanna grow up, then you wanna be a kid again.
Seeing a loser from your high school w/ a good job is like graffiti on a highway bridge, how the Hell did that get there?