Facebook is serious. I put more thought into whether or not to accept a friend request than whether or not to sleep with someone.
Women don’t go crazy, they are crazy. They just ‘go normal’ from time to time.
You and I are best of friends. Always remember I will pick you up if you fall. Right after I stop laughing.
While the optimist and pessimist argue over the glass of water, the opportunist sneaks in and drinks it.
There are two types of people in this world: people who pee in the shower and liars.
Oh you got ‘Swag?’ I bet that looks great on your application to McDonald’s.
Laptop speakers, too quiet for music, too loud for porn.
“This isn’t my first rodeo” -Guy at his second rodeo
I could never stab someone, I have a hard enough time getting the straw into a Capri Sun.