The 50 Best And Funniest Blonde Jokes

Really Funny Jokes About Blondes

This is the collection of Blonde Jokes! have a laugh and share these jokes with your friends! While you’re here check out more of our funny jokes.

blonde jokes

Q: What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer?
A: Frosted Flakes.

Q: What do you give the blonde who has everything? 
A: Penicillin. 

Q: What’s a blonde’s idea of safe sex?
A: Locking the car door.

Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
A: Her ankles.

Q: What do you say to a Blonde that won’t give in?
A: “Have another beer.”

Q: Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her husband’s car?
A: She burned her lips on the tailpipe

Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
A: To see what was on the other side.

Q: Did you here about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?
A: She missed.

Q: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
A: Wave to her.

Q: What can strike a blonde without her even knowing it? 
A: A thought.

Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a hand grenade at you?
A: Pull the pin and throw it back.

Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
A: From crawling across the street when the sign said “don’t walk”

Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?
A: Artificial intelligence.

Q: What do you call a basement full of blondes? 
A: A whine cellar. 

Q: How does the blond turn on the light after she has had sex? 
A: She opens the car door. 

Q: Why can’t blondes be cattle ranchers?
A: They can’t keep their calves together!

Q: What do you call a blonde with pigtails? 
A: A blowjob with handlebars 

Q: What is a blonde’s favorite color? 
A: Glitter. 

Q: How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
A: She threw it off a cliff.

Q: What’s a blonde’s favorite nursery rhyme?
A: Humpme Dumpme.

Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
A: “Oh look! Donut seeds!”

Q: What do you call a skeleton in the closet with blonde hair? 
A: Last year’s hide-and-go-seek winner. 

A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.

Q: What do smart Blondes and UFOs have in common? 
A: You always hear about them but you never see them. 

Q: What happened to the blonde ice hockey team? 
A: They drowned in Spring training. 

Q: What does a blonde and a turtle have in common? 
A: If either one of them end up on there back they are both f*cked. 

Q: What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear? 
A: A wind tunnel. 

The Best Jokes

 Q: What is the difference between a 747 jumbo jet and a blonde? 
A: Not everyone has been in a 747 

Q: Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
A: They went to see “Closed for the Winter”.

Q: How do you keep a BLONDE busy all day? 
A: Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner.

Q: A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks “Where did you get that?”
A: The pig says, “I won her in a raffle!”

Q: A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
A: “Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces.”

Q: What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case?
A: Branch Manager.

Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday? 
A: Tell her a joke on Wednesday. 

Q: What do you call a blonde in an institution of higher learning?
A: A visitor.

Q: How does a blonde give a high-five? 
A: She smacks herself in the forehead. 

Q: Why are blondes like cornflakes ? 
A: Because they’re simple, easy and they taste good. 

Q: How did the blonde burn her nose?
A: Bobbing for french fries.

Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
A: Gifted!

Q: What do you call a smart blond?
A: A golden retriever.

Q: What do you see when you look into a blonde’s eyes?
A: The back of her head.

Q: Why would a blonde wear green lipstick?
A: Because red means stop!

Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
A: Run! She’s got a hand grenade in her mouth.

Q: Why did the blonde put her finger over the nail when she was hammering?
A: The noise gave her a headache.

Q: Why does a blonde only change her baby’s diapers every month?
A: The instructions stated, “good for up to 20 pounds”.

Q: Why can’t a blonde dial 911?
A: She can’t find the eleven.

Q: Why is a blonde like a railway track?
A: She gets laid all over the country

Q: Why are blondes like TVs?
A: Any three year old can turn them on.

Q: What is a blonde’s mating call?
A: “I’m so drunk!”

Q: What goes Blonde, Brunette, Blonde, Brunette ?
A: A blonde doing cartwheels